Empire of the Ants

April 3, 2009

Ant

I hate ants. I am not scared of them, I just cannot stand the sight of these wickedly intelligent moving black dots.

Yes, I read Empire of the Ants as a little girl, and yes, I am still traumatized.

Unfortunately, there are lots of ants in India.

They crawl out of the most improbable places and killing them just makes things worse: half a million little FBI agents then show up to carry the body back home, research the cause of their fellow soldier’s death and, I bet you, avenge it. You end up with Napoleon’s Russian Campaign in your living room, only where the hell are you going to find a Berezina river to stop them? Nowhere. Ants swim, honey.

Yep.

These hideous creatures will take over the human race one day, I am telling you.

I tried everything, from Super-glu around the plug from which they were coming out, to putting salt on their way (my mother’s idea). I emptied 3 full sprays of Baygon and poured Javel water on them. Nothing worked.

Desperate, I asked around me. My friend Agnes came over one night and told me about some chalk she used in her flat. Chalk. Weird. But at this point I was on a mission.

Agnes gone, I looked at the regiment of ants on their night duty and told them: “Good night little things. Tomorrow, you will be no more.”

The next day I went to my supermarket, and, feeling a little silly, asked the guy if by any miracle he’d have some magic chalk for ants. I felt as if I was asking for hard drugs, not sure if the thing was available, not sure he was the dealer, but hoping for a high.

But of course he had it – he has everything, hidden in his dark little Superette: San Pellegrino, smoked salmon, bacon…

Well, let me tell you: this chalk stuff is truly amazing.

You just draw a line across the ants’ path, on every door frame and around the place they get out from, and they never, ever cross the damn line. If they do, they start convulsing like dervishes and when their sisters come to pick up their bodies, they also get contaminated, start convulsing, pffuit, basta.

Brilliant.

I wish there was such a chalk for sleazy men.

What fun we’d have.

4 Responses to “Empire of the Ants”

  1. YVR Says:

    de la craie!? celle qu’on utilisait a l’ecole?? wow…

  2. Sunny Side Says:

    Convulsing ? Strange something chemical inside… One day I saw a pic with a corpse and chalk all around ! because of the ants ? … As usual this little story is lovely !

  3. jasmineandtheelephants Says:

    @ YVR: oui! mais je crois que c’est de la craie un peu differente, sur la boite il y a une fourmi a l’agonie…

    @ Sunny Side: thank you! who would have thought chalk could kill…

  4. AntHater Says:

    It’s not just regular chalk, it’s an insecticide chalk. Small ants that show up in large numbers which seem to stay on a “path” will not cross the insecticide chalk line, and the first ant that touches it will turn around and tell the others “it’s time to leave immediately” in their little ant code language, and they all start spreading the word and they will all leave immediately. Using this insecticide chalk, I’ve seen thousands of ants disappear in literally a few minutes, on several occasions, just by drawing one small line in their path, and that is not an exaggeration. A guy I worked with recommended it to me and I didn’t believe him when he said the ants would disappear in a few minutes but then I saw it happen with my own eyes. I would definitely keep this far from pets and children. I always wash my hands after I use the insecticide chalk and it hasn’t affected me in any way, except brought me joy that the ants were gone.

    I am currently trying to use it on the larger black ants, who seem to travel independantly, as opposed to walking a path with a bunch of other ants. I just draw a circle around them, and they panic and they are forced to run through the insecticide chalk. They immediately start freaking out, running around in circles… I saw one ant literally walking completely sideways, very quickly… never saw any ant do that before! I’m not sure what happens to these larger black ants, as they just seem to go completely insane, running around in circles, I think they just crawl in a corner and die. One thing is for sure, they don’t like this insecticide chalk…

    http://www.healingedge.net/store/product2285.html

    Be safe and use common sense!


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